Even More Exceptionally Boring Boringness

(Updated link fix. Stet at 2009 August 29 21:50 hours)

Well, now that we've established that I'm the most boring person ever, with the most boring interests ever, and the most boring hobbies ever, now let's move right along to see if I can demonstrate that I have the most boring thoughts ever, on the most boring blog, ever.

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I do like to play guitar, I should point out, but since I pretty much play the same thing over and over -- the Blues -- even that gets boring. We guitar players are generally noted for having a rather sad tendency to get into a particular riff, and noodle until it's been done to death, at least as concerns anyone who has had to listen to interminable practice sessions day after day, year after year.

I used to sit out on the porch and play guitar, pretty much ran through my whole set twice. It used to be that some of the neighbors would come over and compliment me, but then one day, after I had been doing this for years, a really terrible phenomenon began and by the time it was over, I resolved that anyone who wanted to circle my block as a mob in cars hurling some sort of nasty weaponized powder at me definitely didn't like my music, or at least didn't deserve to hear it. So, after 30 years of playing guitar, I stopped.

Who knows, maybe this was their form of applause. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that the police were finally taking action against an immense daily gathering of day-laborers at the nearby Home Depot. However, where they could get to me to try to dust me to death was when I was outside playing guitar, so I don't play. If you want an example of how badly I was playing, try here.

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Musicians are, in general, rather boring people. Think about it, who would spend years and years of repeatedly doing something, especially when at first they are not at all good at it. You practice, and practice, and practice, and as years go by, you will probably get better. But this takes years, and you may never get very good at all. You have to be very persistent, and either you must also be very goal oriented with the ability to ignore failure in the present in the hopes of possible success in the far future, or you have to be incredibly boring and actually have nothing better to do.

Of course, if you do persist, you might achieve varying degrees of success. Yet everyone knows that the chances of ever achieving fame and wealth are vanishingly rare. Yet, to be certain, some people do make it.

And what do they get along with the fame and fortune? Stalkers.

So what do you do about them?

Write a song about them.

And when they sue you over it, let them go batshit insane during the process, and commit suicide, as Uwe Vandrei did.

And then after that happens, do a fantastic live version performance, and smile a lot as you sing.

Musicians, I shouldn't have to reiterate, may be very boring, but they have a lot of patience and a demonstrated ability to defer immediate gratitude to achieve a distant goal. There is always your instrument and your music, though other people in your life may come and go.

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Musicians who make a name for themselves occasionally have problems with unruly fans.

For example, a certain already up-and-coming punk-rock band had a really big problem with certain over-zealous fans trashing any venue at which this band performed. This caused them to write a song which made them even more famous (or infamous), and I do apologize for including them here and now, considering their name and the tragic loss of the "Lion of the Senate" (and some would say, "King of the Irish"), Ted Kennedy.


This problem never goes away.

Here in Montgomery County -- and to some degree in neighboring counties -- rowdy "performance parties" have prompted County Executive Isiah "Ike" Leggett to call for new policies regulating for-profit parties attracting violent patrons.

If you read the Gazette article, part one of the video referred to in the article may be found here, and here is part two.

Personally, I think that the punk-rockers were preferable; less firearms.

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The year after the "dust wars" put an end to me playing guitar on the porch, I was running for office and not-incidentally running for the last metro train out of town after last call, and got hit by a car. That broke a small bone in my left hand, and it has taken me some time to get back the use of my hand, and it takes even longer to get back the fingertip callouses that all guitar players have and need.

Did I mention that musicians have to be goal-oriented and willing to defer instant gratification to achieve those long-term goals? We also have to have an ability to stand a lot of pain and have a willingness to suffer it again and again in order to simply get a pre-requisite to proper practice. You can't possibly play properly without the callouses and they take months to develop. Many people stop even trying to play guitar within weeks of picking up the instrument, due to the blisters on the fingertips that eventually turn into callouses that go right down to the bone.

I've almost got the callouses back, which means that at least I will once again have the capability to practice endlessly at the same riffs for hour after hour.

Did I mention that I am a very boring person?

Guitar practicing, blogging, and server administering... now what could I possibly do to be more boring? Maybe study a foreign language, like maybe Espa~ol?

Or maybe some more PSAs...

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