Notes on Public Service Announcement #1

Anyone who sees this PSA and doesn't immediately confiscate all texting cellphones from people they claim to love, should immediately be considered a thoughtless sociopath, dragged from whatever they are doing, and be horsewhipped within an inch of their life.

There is simply no excuse for involving, in driving, a technology that makes you drive two dozen times more badly than when you are beyond the legal limit of completely too fucking drunk to drive.

Anyone failing to remove a cellphone from a driver texting ought to be locked up as intentional accessory to negligent homicide. I suggest a minimum sentence of 15 years, as that is the average age of the person killed by texting-while-driving, and the average age of their victim.

There's no excuse.

If you see a person texting while driving, immediately beat the living shit out of them. Disable their vehicle if necessary so that you may properly work them over with a tire-iron. If they don't like it, firebomb their lawyer and then take it home to them: you text while driving and you are 50,000 times more dangerous than a rabid pit-bull locked into a bedroom with a person tied hand and foot. There's simply no excuse for allowing someone 15,000 times more dangerous than the war in Iraq to run free on the streets negligently aiming to kill your children.

If there is a public enemy in the USA, it's people who are texting while driving. Either they stop and stop right now, or you incapacitate them as a clear and present danger. If they won't stop, kill them before they kill your children... even though the majority of texters-while-driving are your children's friends... who are about 200,000 times more likely than anyone else -- these texters-while-driving who are driving your children around -- to kiil your children... to kill their best friends.

That's all, folks.

Texting while driving?

Nothing will do but a good old-fashioned Maryland Tire Iron Party.

Last thing you break is the cellphone... in the hand of the asshole who was texting with it while driving a car.

20 or 30 extra whacks might get the point across.

And no, I am not a sociopath... I just know what it takes to carry a message across to them.

Nothing less than a Maryland Tire Iron Party will convey the message.

Nothing less than a Maryland Tire Iron Party can make your children safe from this.

Ya know, because all very few of us who remain sane here know how Marylanders are: Then again, if it wasn't as likely to kill our children as the children of Them, we'd cheerfully let them go ahead and do suicidal stupidity while driving. But as it is the children of the sane who are most at risk of this madness, it's Maryland Tire Iron Party time.

Party hearty. And Party On.

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